The turkey has been carved, the casserole dish is soaking in the sink and you’re staring at a mountain of Tupperware asking yourself “What have we done?” It’s a good question to ask, after-all you just ate a feast celebrating the genocide of the indigenous cultures of the North American Continent. If that doesn’t work up an appetite perhaps the though that you’ve just ingested enough calories to sustain a starving child in Africa for a month. Perhaps it would be better to instead focus on the time you shared with family and friends and how you learned that Uncle Frank is a bit of a misogynist and that Aunt Bettie has a drinking problem.
Thanksgiving Day gives us two things in abundance. Leftovers and things we wish we could forget. When you find yourself with a refrigerator full of regrets it’s best you don’t ignore them. Ignoring the unsavory things from your past leads to a lot of stress… and mold. Instead, might we suggest a sandwich.
Regretsgiving Surprise:
Ingredients:
- 2 Slices of Wheat Bread (Toasted) [You’ve got a lot of guilt to support and un-toasted bread won’t cut it]
- 6 oz of Sliced Turkey (Cold) [Remember how the meat is cold and dead, like your love life]
- 4 oz of Stuffing (Warm) [Why, because hypocrisy is a theme of this holiday]
- 2 Tbsp Cranberry Sauce [Because even regret needs flavor]
- No Lettuce or Tomato [Let he who is without sin add veggies to this sandwich]
Let the toasted bread sit and get cold. (This will help all the goodness of the sandwich soak into the bread.) spread a tablespoon of cranberry sauce on the inside halves of the bread. Put the cold turkey on next, followed by the warm stuffing and top with the other sauced toast slice. This is a messy sandwich and we suggest wearing a white tee shirt and allowing the food to stain… like an installation art piece.
Consume this sandwich with the knowledge that you’re likely to repeat these same mistakes next year… which means another yummy Regretsgiving Suprise!
Higher Sandwich Theory 